A Fitting End ...

Jack and Jill's father took them to an annual festival today. When we had our nightly phone call, Jill was telling me all about their day.

She told me that she'd bungee jumped (from the ground, it's complicated to explain and not the point of the story) and that they'd gone to a place that told scary stories. She said her dad was trying to scare her even more during it and that she was going to have nightmares. I reassured her that it wasn't her dad's intention to cause nighttime trauma, though secretly I growled at him for his complete lack of common sense sometimes. Because I'm certain that she'll have her first nightmare tomorrow night when she's at my house and will sleep peacefully tonight.

Just as I thought she was finished with the recap of her day and that we were about to say our goodbyes, she said, "Oh! We also saw the church where Dad is going to get married next year."

"YOU SAW WHAT?! YOUR DAD IS GETTING MARRIED NEXT YEAR?!"

And I'm thinking, "Are you fucking kidding me? Is today some kind of sick joke?!"

"Nooooo," she said. "CHAD* is getting married there next year."

I breathed again and said, "Ohhh! That makes more sense. That's great for Chad." (Sucker.)

I have now decided to cease all communication with the outside world until tomorrow. I'm not fit to be among the public.

*Not his actual name. He has another name that rhymes with "dad."