I started writing the following entry last night and fell asleep in the middle of it. (We prefer the term "fell asleep" over "passed out.") I'm not entirely sure what point I was trying to make, but since I put out the effort to write it, I think it deserves to be seen.
I don't know if you guys know this or not, but I'm fucking funny. No, really, it's true.
So, I'm finding in my single escapades that there are guys out there that are attracted to the funny just like I'M attracted to the funny. Some people require alcohol to open their legs, but I'll almost always open them the first time you make me laugh. I know that most guys are willing to stick their special tool into any orifice (and I'm really aware of this), but if you have an orifice AND you're funny, then men really want to lend you a hand with their special tool.
As much as I like the special tool (and I'm almost never met a special tool I didn't like), I'm not willing to let just anyone work on me. We covered the reasons in the last post, so I won't reiterate them, but I think it deserves saying that my funniness doesn't necessarily merit the use of your special tool.
Last night, I spent the majority of the evening dodging this sweet, young boy (who was actually 31, but he seemed so much younger) because at some point I'd made him laugh. From that point on, I owned him.
Why is it that we're not interested in what's readily available to us? Must we, as the human race, always look for a challenge knocking all easy conquests to the ground?
One of my main complaints about the dating scene is that there are so many games involved -- no one feels okay about telling the truth, me included. It's hard to put yourself out there only to meet rejection. In actuality, I never put myself out there unless I'm assured of success. I have the utmost respect for guys (and girls) that go out on a limb and face rejection time and time again.
But rejection isn't the subject of this post. Or maybe it is, I don't even remember anymore since I'm quite toasty.
And then I "fell asleep." I think what I was trying to say is that I'm funny and I like special tools. That's just a guess, though.
My liver hates me.
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10 comments:
Is it just me or was that post completely nonsensical?
FYI, contrary to my written words, I won't sleep with you just because you're funny.
And this?
As much as I like the special tool (and I'm almost never met a special tool I didn't like), I'm not willing to let just anyone work on me. We covered the reasons in the last post, so I won't reiterate them, but I think it deserves saying that my funniness doesn't necessarily merit the use of your special tool.
Huh? What last post am I talking about? I think I might be the tool in this case.
Special Tool!!! My new favorite phrase!! Over and over and over again! Yaaaaay!
What are you talking about "nonsensical"?, this was the greatest post ever!
You ARE funny.
Btw, when are you going to get around to writing that book/blog entry about capturing your prey in under a month ... or was it an hour, I can't remember. Anyway. I'm waiting over here! :)
It made total sense to me too. And I haven't been single for a damn long time. But I remember having such thoughts. I love the term "special tool."
It made sense to me.
The part I don't get is how you have time to date. You must get more than two days a month to yourself.
Jamie, credit for "special tool" goes completely to my friend, Lisa. And I'll type the story soon. I've just written it in my Wonder Woman journal.
Sarah and Greg, bless you for getting me.
Kathy Howe, indeed I do. Thank goodness for my kids having a fantastic father. (Crappy husband, but a great father.)
this comment won't post where it should, so I am trying it here...
Hey, weren't we going to send a card to asshole number 1 as a way to thank him for introducing us?
And for the record, I no longer date Scorpios. He was such a fucking fucker.
Haha. We were! I'd forgotten about that. And really you owe him an extra thank you because if you hadn't met me, you wouldn't have met Bruce. Who knew you'd ever be grateful to Asshole #1 again, eh?
No Scorpios for me either. I think I'm allergic to them. They cause irrational behavior, and after too much exposure to them, it's possible to develop a rash. (I thankfully avoided the rash.)
Standard disclaimer: My dear Scorpio friends who are reading here, I adore female Scorpios; my mother is a Scorpio. Scorpio men are great as well - as friends only (at least in my case).
So what you're saying is that even though you weren't with us, you participated in LIVER BUST!
I knew you were with us in spirit!
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