Thoughts

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the fact that I can write about anything here. I have so much to say, but don't even know where to start. I have a list in front of me of things I want to write about, but can't decide which one should be first.

Instead of making a decision, I'm going to escape my house for the weekend. Sometimes it's necessary to do that -- to run away.

I received a text apology from Z (the guy in the previous post) that said, "Sorry again for the wasted trip."

He's oblivious.

I responded, "It's not me you should apologize to. It's K. The way you treated her was vile."

"Are you judging me?"

I didn't respond, nor will I. We have no reason to ever communicate again. I put his movies outside for him to pick up so I wouldn't need to see him. It's weird how I have no feelings one way or another about losing someone with whom I've spent many intimate moments over the past two years.

One of my friends told me that should have been a red flag a long time ago (among many others) ... the fact that he was never a priority in my life. I was willing to share myself with someone who I didn't really care about and who, in the end, didn't care about me either.

The problem is that I'm just unwilling to set myself for heartbreak. If I can keep emotion out of the equation then I'm less likely to find myself saddened when someone disappoints me, which will inevitably happen. I'm certain that's why I involve myself with men who aren't available for anything greater than a fling either because of their location or their emotional unavailability. And is that such a bad thing? Is it wrong to have flings? Must everyone I choose to have sex with be someone that I want to possibly build a life with? I don't think so, but I don't always see things clearly when it comes to myself.

See you Monday.